Holy shit, I can’t believe 2023 is almost over. Ok, I may be getting a little ahead of myself there, but with only 4 months left it definitely feels like the year has gone by in a blur, and for good reason. 2023 definitely changed my life in an astounding way…it was the year I became a mother! I haven’t posted on the blog in forever, but now seems like a good time to let you guys all know that we had a baby!
Looking back, the blog has been neglected for quite a while. Moving, marriage, Covid, moving again, and home renovations took up a large chunk of time and energy, and to be honest, there just wasn’t enough left for the blog. But after having my daughter in March and taking the time to figure out newborn life and get a little more settled, I find myself yearning for the creative outlet I loved so much from before. So, here’s to hoping we can get a little more consistent this time around! But enough about that, let’s get back to the baby news.
(This was our announcement. Of course it involved donuts).
I’d be lying if I said I was one of those people who knew they wanted kids since they were little. I wasn’t. In fact, we were on the fence about it for years before we made the decision to try. My husband already had a son from his previous marriage, so he was fine with only having one, but said he’d also be fine trying for a second if I wanted one too.
As I started getting older, my biological clock was starting to tick a lot louder in my ear and I kept weighing the decision over and over in my head. Would I regret the decision and miss my freedom? What if I didn’t like being a mom? Or didn’t feel that connection with a new baby? How would this decision change my relationship with my husband? Would I lose myself? Or resent my new body? Needless to say, there was a lot of indecision on my part. I remember asking my husband if he ever regretted the decision to have a baby and, of course, he said no. Ha.
I was used to our current life. We had my stepson every other week, and I liked having “kid weekends” but also the freedom of knowing that our “adult weekends” were right around the corner too. I really liked how things were. I didn’t feel as if I was missing anything in my life at all. Was the pressure from society the only thing making me feel like a kid was the next box to check on our life list?
And I wasn’t the only one that felt that way. I discussed my feelings with some friends and was relieved to hear that some of them felt the same way too. Would we ever really KNOW? And, honestly, I don’t think so. I don’t know what would have had to happen to make me change my mind in one way or the other besides just taking the leap and having a baby. And, obviously, that’s exactly what we did. But ultimately what made me decide to try was the fear of regret. Would I regret not having one after it was too late, when there was no longer a choice? Would I look back and wonder how things would have been if we decided to have one but never did?
I wasn’t getting any younger and I didn’t know how long it would take for us to get pregnant (if we could at all), so we decided to try. We kind of had an “if it happens, it happens and if not, that’s ok” kind of outlook on the whole situation, which helped keep things less stressful, in my opinion.
Within a year of trying we got the news that I was pregnant and we were both happy, which was a good sign. Ha! I had a fairly easy pregnancy, besides reflux and pregnancy induced carpal tunnel (which I am still dealing with), but overall I can’t complain. I didn’t love pregnancy though. Yet another thing that society tells us we should enjoy, but it wasn’t exactly the best. I didn’t love feeling like my body wasn’t my own. Granted, feeling her move was very cool and connected us in such a personal way, but I didn’t feel like “me”. And, guess what….it’s ok to not like being pregnant! Let me say it again for the people in the back….IT’S OK TO NOT LIKE BEING PREGNANT. I never had the desire to need to be pregnant and that didn’t change once I was pregnant. But I’m still glad I decided to do it.
Our daughter was born in March and we’ve spent the last 4 months figuring out this whole motherhood thing. There were lots of long nights, lots of tears shed in the shower after 3 hours of sleep, and lots of snuggles too. Motherhood is a wild ride and I’m still new to the entire adventure, but if someone were to ask me if I ever regretted the decision to have a baby I can confidently say no. It’s changed me in such a positive way and expanded the life I thought I had before in ways that I never knew were possible. After coming out of the newborn fog, I can happily say that I still feel like “me”. The first few weeks are ROUGH and I’d be lying if I said they weren’t a struggle, but you get through it and the other side is honestly so much fun. Watching her develop and hit new milestones has been a part of motherhood that I didn’t even realize I would enjoy and cherish as much as I do. I can only imagine how much better it’s going to get.
So without further ado, allow me to introduce Parker!
She was born at a little over 7 pounds, has more hair than my husband ever has, and is a sassy little thing that I’m sure is going to give us a run for our money in a few years. I’m so very thankful that she chose us as her parents and I’m looking forward to creating so many memories together.
And let me just say that I know how lucky I am to be able to get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby. The fact that so many people struggle to have children of their own is not lost on me, and this post is in no way meant to ignore that fact or to come across in a negative way, because I am so grateful that we did decide to have a baby and that I was fortunate enough to have a safe delivery and healthy baby, but I do want to point out that you don’t always need to feel a resounding YES when thinking about having kids. Society puts a lot of pressure on women to make us feel like we need to want to become mothers. That we should want kids and should want to have our lives revolve around that role, but it’s ok to not want that or not know if you do. It’s not always a clear answer and that’s ok. And it’s ok to not like being pregnant. You shouldn’t feel ashamed about that or feel guilty. It’s not for everyone and that’s ok! However you feel about the whole situation is normal and I’m choosing to share my feelings about my decision and my own situation so that you know you’re not alone if you happen to feel the same way.
I’m excited to be back on the blog and look forward to sharing more baby posts (I’ve been saving up A LOT of baby content for you guys!), along with all of the typical content you were used to seeing on Let’s Mingle before little Ms. Parker decided to join the party 🙂 Let’s cheers to that, since I can finally drink again!
